One view on International Relations...

US Comedian Jon Stewart (from 'The Daily Show with Jon Stewart') on North Korea's underground nuclear test:

"Let's move to the good news: as of last night, North Korea has one less nuclear bomb!"

From the weekly newsletter, beginning Mon Oct 16, 2006

One more joke...

The Italian, the German and the Aussie...

An Italian, a German and an Australian football fan were arrested in a small Arabian state when they were caught p * ssing on a religious building after an all night drinking binge. The trio have to face up to the local sultan and are dished out the typical punishment for religious desecration - 20 lashes of the whip to the back. But the Sultan was a big football fan so he kindly granted them two wishes each - but they were not allowed to change the number of lashes or the type of punishment.

The Italian says " Well we are the World Champions so I go first. I want the pleasure of a beer and a pillow.". The Sultan grants his wishes. With a wide grin the Italian drinks his beer and binds the pillow to his naked back. But after 10 lashes the pillow falls apart and he has to painfully endure the remaining 10 lashes which leave deep welt marks on his back.

The German saw all this and spends a few minutes thinking before smiling. "I would like to have two pillows for my back". The Sultan thinks about the uniqueness of the wishes but decides to grant it given he has used up his two wishes in one go. However after 15 lashes of the whip both pillows have fallen apart and the German has to painfully endure the remaining 5 lashes which leave deep welt marks on his back.

The Australian is grinning from ear to ear and mutters something under his breath about a bullshit penalty. "Ok my first wish is to double the number of lashes to 40." There is stunned silence in the hall. The Italian, German and Sultan are a little surprised at the first wish but then remember the strong fighting performance the Aussies put up during the World Cup in Germany 2006. The Italian and German look at each other and nod in admiration - obviously this Aussie wants to show how tough he is. The Sultan ask the Aussie for his second wish.

"Tie the Italian to my back" he replies.

Thanks to Tash for forwarding it onto me

Only in Australia...

Can this joke be retold. The one and only time we were outsmarted by the Kiwis, and will always go down in political legendry.

This was recounted to my Intro to Australian Politics class two years ago, by the professor, who was asked about Kiwi-Australian relations. I can't remember the specifics, but I love this anecdote.

Upon landing in Australia for talks with the Aussie Prime Minister, Robert Muldoon was asked by waiting journalists what his thoughts were of the statistics showing more Kiwis are moving to Australia in search of work in the 1980s.

His answer?

"New Zealanders who leave for Australia raise the IQ of both countries."

You wanted a response? Here it is...

Okay "Rooney" comment this!

Cristiano was jeered by his "own people" because he was playing for THE OPPOSING TEAM! You're reacting exactly like the idiotic English team at the WC because Cristiano tried to get the real Rooney sent off. Club and country are separate! When he plays for the opposing team, he's the enemy. Its not real, I hope you realise. When he plays for Portugal, we support him. When he's trying to get us kicked out of the Champions League, we want him to suck. Us Portuguese will always hope he does well for whoever he plays, but not if its against our club. Because that's just stupid. Like hoping your sister wins when you're both fighting and trying to convince mum you should have the house in her will. Not. Logical.

You bandwagoner.

Yes, I know Benfica is playing seriously bad. But at least one of our own didn't score an own goal against his own country (HA! Go Neville! Do it for Man Yoo too!!!) And I, unlike you, will always support my team, no matter how badly they play. I will readily admit they suck, that they need improving, and will always talk about them, whether they win or lose. You, I'm sure, only ever talk about MAN YOO when they win.

Yes, Benfica lost in the last match to Celtic 3-0. And we are equal third with FC Copenhagen, one point each. We suck this season. Just like Man Yoo did last season. And hey, wasn't it Benfica who spanked Man Yoo straight out of the Champions League last season?

I'm sorry, who at least has seen their team play? In real life? In an actual stadium? Not on a TV screen?!

Sport Lisboa e Benfica. Forever and always, through thick and thin.

If you have no idea what I'm talking about, see comments to "Finally, a football-related post"

11 Books

OK, I've been tagged by Missy for what I can only assume is a blog-type chain letter. The only reason I'm doing this chain letter is cos I love books, and it doesn't threaten to leave me shagless, luckless and/or dead if I don't send it to 12,890 people in the next 10 seconds.

1. ONE BOOK THAT CHANGED YOUR LIFE?
That would definitely be Peter Pan. I used to HATE reading with a passion before I was forced to listen to this story by my book-mad transition teacher during story time. Remember the reader-folder thingys we had to bring home every night with a small kids book? So we could practice reading, and help create a bond with our parents at the same time? Yeah, well, I hated those "Where's Spot?" or "Let's follow the red balloon on its adventure!" and other crap. Peter Pan introduced me to my imagination, and hence, I can now thank Mrs. Ryan for introducing me to my addiction.

2. ONE BOOK THAT YOU HAVE READ MORE THAN ONCE?
I've read plenty of books more than once! How would I narrow it down? Erm...

3. ONE BOOK YOU WOULD WANT ON A DESERT ISLAND?
If I had to narrow it down probably The Lord of the Rings series by (as if you don't know!) JRR Tolkien. I'm gonna cheat and take three!

4. ONE BOOK THAT MADE YOU LAUGH?
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. Weird, I know, but once you understand it, the context and the time it was written, the woman is hilarious!

5. ONE BOOK THAT MADE YOU CRY?
The World of my Past by Abraham H Biderman. He was a Holocaust survivor, who survived three concentration/death camps. His story is so amazing, if everyone in the world read it, seriously, there would be no wars.

6. ONE BOOK YOU WISH YOU HAD WRITTEN?
The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. Very interesting commentary on society, even though its fictional, you can see parrallels with our own society.

7. ONE BOOK YOU WISH HAD NEVER BEEN WRITTEN?
OH, this is SO easy! Hands down, the worst book ever written... (drumroll please...)
Lord of the Flies by William Golding. Written with the intention of torturing high schoolers who have even the remotest intention of attempting to pass English. The man is not a genius, as my year 10 English teacher proclaimed. He is evil for writing that book.

8. ONE BOOK YOU ARE CURRENTLY READING?
Do my evil uni textbooks count? Inroduction to Forensic and Criminal Psychology by Dennis Howitt. Think it sounds interesting? Well, its not. Its all THEORY!!! NOTHING IS PROVEN!!! THIS IS WHY PSYCHOLOGY ANNOYS ME!!! DECIDE ALREADY!!!

9. ONE BOOK YOU HAVE BEEN MEANING TO READ?
How to kill a mockingbird by Harper Lee. I will one day eventually get around to reading it.

10. ONE BOOK YOU ARE GLAD YOU OWN?
Looking for Alibrandi by Melina Marchetta. When I read it at 15 years old, this book showed me I was not on my own in trying to find out who I am.

11. ONE BOOK THAT MUST BE READ ALOUD?
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl. At 21, its still one of my favourite books, and not just because I love chocolate.

Right. Tagging three people. Problem is, I don't know three people with a blog! Um, Bella, Bree and Tasha.

The Devil Wears Prada

Go watch it. Seriously. Totally worth the $14 per ticket (or $8.50 on tight-arse Tuesdays, like I did). She may be old but damn, can Meryl Streep deliver a line! There were lines in there that were so acidic, audience members actually gasped out loud or laughed (yours truly), one big mucho kiwi bloke in front of me actually said "ouch!" after one of her lines. Yes, in this movie, the devil certainly wears Prada.
Now, the movie is not perfect, and the only reason its so good is because of Streep's near perfect boss-from-hell performance. If you have a horrible boss, this movie is a great way of showing you that you don't have it as bad as you think you do. If you're a fashionista, you'll love it.

Common Sense...

Now basic common sense would be that if you were not paying for a hotel room, even if you were only leaving for one night and then coming back the next, common sense would be that the hotel would use that room while you were gone. Not so, for the French group that checked in on Thursday night, checked out on Friday (but we're not checking out, we are sleeping in another hotel tonight, but we're coming back tomorrow night!) then checked back in on Saturday night. Out of a group of 16, 10 of them, I kid you not, left:
a) wet laundry hanging up in the closet. Yes, including skanky underwear. EW!
b) shoes scattered around the hotel room
c) toiletries left in the bathroom
d) handbags by the bed
e) one couple even had a bottle of sand from ULURU! Illegal much? Not to mention bad juju.
All of this, in the hotel room they would not be sleeping in that night. Yes, they may have been returning, but HELLO! They had not paid for that night! They were expecting to have the room be their storage shed free of charge, as if we did not need that room for guests checking in the night they were away!
HOW STUPID CAN ONE PERSON GET, LET ALONE 10 PEOPLE!!!
We had no bellhop (aka porter) and only two people on front desk. Me and another person. So guess who had to run all over the hotel picking up their shit so that the room could be cleaned for the next guests to check in? The shit hit the fan the next night when they realised their stuff had been moved. One guy actually complained. Guess who gave him a serve? Yours truly! I have no tolerance for stupid arrogant people, especially those who have no common sense and/or refuse to speak english and expect everyone to speak French.
Oh yes, that also happened. Happens, on a regula basis. This idiot actually rolled his eyes at me because I couldn't understand French. Yes, being in an English speaking country means I should automatically know how to speak French.
Ah, the hospitality industry. Fun for all!

What do you do?

What do you do when someone you love is about to do something incredibly stupid, and you're powerless to stop them?
When you've told them of all the dangers ahead, that they deserve so much better, that they're about to hurt those they love with their actions?
What do you do?

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby

My goodness I love Will Ferrell. He is deliciously cheeky, charming and stupid in the right mix! In this movie, which I am not going to give away, I will say this - it comes across as a stupid AJ-type movie, the type of movies I avoid like the plague - but is very very funny. There is no thinking involved, which, sometimes, is just the ticket.
That may've not made sense, but then, sometimes neither did the movie.
4/5 stars. Definitely worth watching again.

On another note, I have also seen "John Tucker Must Die". Not something I would've normally seen, but I was bored listless, and it was either this or "Material Girls", and I would've jumped thru the screen and killed the Duffmiesters within two minutes. Surprisingly, "John Tucker..." was actually very good, a regular teen fluff movie, but enjoyable indeed. Not in the same league as "Mean Girls" though, but then, what is these days.

Yes, finally, a football-related post...

Well. I never. Today is a sad day in the footballing world. Benfica lost, at home, to Manchester United. What an absolute disgrace! Considering last year, we kicked the bastards out of the Champions League at the group stage. This is no mean defeat, since for the last 20-odd years they had always passed the group stages. Yes, last season we did well, as we also slapped title-holders Liverpool out of the Champions League (something which tore at me, since I also support Liverpool. But I got over it. Benfica, being Portuguese, will always come first, no matter how badly they do). But we lost to the bastards this season AT HOME! Oh, the pain! But we much soldier on. We've still got 4 games left to turn it around, and, to the footballing Gods, please help us turn it around! Please make Manchester United lose! And let us reign victory as Champions League winners!
Yes. Well. I know that's a bit ambitious, so let me rephrase that. Please let us go through the group stage ahead of Man Yoo, and make them lose against FC Copenhagen.
In good news, at least our arch-enemy Porto lost too. That makes me feel slightly better.
And to those Cristiano Ronaldo bandwagoners (you know who you are) - a true supporter sticks by their players THRU THICK AND THIN!

Customer Service Industry

Well. I can now fully appreciate why Receptionists in the hotel industry has the highest staff turnover rate for any job. Let me reveal the secret... BECAUSE PEOPLE ON HOLIDAY ARE RUDE! Yes, I have finally revealed the secret for all to see.
Example 1.
A bloke (I will not call him a gentleman because he is NOT) does seminars for companies all over the country. He is doing a seminar for a company in the NT, and is staying in my hotel, as well as conducting the seminar in the hotel's function room. So essentially he has yet to leave the hotel since checking in 5 days ago. He has proceeded to abuse the staff - and this is no simple shouting, it is full on screaming at the top of his lungs, profanities streaming out of his mouth and fist slamming on the bench, seriously intimidating stuff if he wasn't so irrational - for the stupidest things. Here is his list of complaints:
-Having to wait 5 minutes (yes, FIVE MINUTES) for the porter to get back from the other side of the hotel to lock the funtion room up.
-The hotel not providing an in-house laundry service so he doesn't have to wash his socks. We have guest laundries but, being a 4 star hotel and being in DARWIN, we like most other hotels in this city don't provide a laundry service. He abused me for 15 minutes because of this. We have never pretended to have anything but guest laundry. No other person has ever complained about this.
-The restuarant was booked out. Oh yes he did. Like we can control THAT.
-Our staff are extremely unhelpful. Its a little hard to offer help when he doesn't stop for breath to allow us to help. And frankly, why the hell would we help a prick like that? (Pardon my French).
-We don't take care of our business clients, we only cater for tourists. We have regular business clients from all over Australia, lawyers, accountants, etc staying with us all the time. There's a British GENTLEMAN with a black Amex card who stays with us all the time... you'd think with something like a $100,000 limit on the card he'd buy a house in Cullen Bay so he'd have a place to stay whenever he came here instead of staying in our modest hotel. I'm sure this gentleman washes his own bloody socks, he has even used the guest laundry!
-We, at the front desk, have not taken responsibility for what has gone wrong. After explaining to him thousands of times (literally) that front desk is not responsible for functions, the functions co-ordinator is, he shouts over us that we're not taking responsibility. Honestly, how can anyone reason with that? He was warned, continuously, by the front office manager, that he is not to abuse the staff like that. The third time he did it, the manager threatened to physically evict him. The general manager backed him up. He now passes front desk and does not even look at us. Bastard, thinks he can intimidate us.
Example 2.
Three british ladies are travelling together. They have had trouble with other hotels regarding their room arrangements - its all been twin not triple share. We can understand their gripe. Their agent had emailed us letting us know it was triple share, so we accommodated their request, in our best room. After talking down to me (why do I attract the psychos? why not the cute RAAF pilots?) and after I explained that the sofa beds were very comfortable (they are, I've tried them) they walked off. Five minutes later one of the ladies (I must single her out, the other two weren't too bad) was back complaining that the room was only made up for two people, and that we should've known better. We went and got towels, etc (she wanted three, not two towels like normal individuals want), and put them in her room. Two minutes later she was complaining that the sofa beds were wrinkled. She wanted a new room. Oh. My. God. They were fresh sheets, they were wrinkled because hey, its hard to keep sheets dead straight when they're folded.
Any suggestions for payback? No food is involved, so I can't spit in their meal.