Getting something off my chest...

Hello to all, and welcome to the random ramblings of an immigrant in the lucky country. Now I am technically an Australian Citizen, having lived here most of my life. OK, well, you could say pretty much ALL of my life since my family migrated here from Portugal when I was 8 months old in search of a "better life". But oddly enough, I love to point out that I wasn't actually born in Australia and I'm not sure why, even though I love this sunburnt country.

Now I'm sure this has been pointed out millions of times, but Australian's are uniquely Australian... No other country has a sense of humour like we do, although England comes mighty close. No other country puts their sporting heroes up there among the war heroes and politicians and such. No other country accepts the weird and wonderful as their own like we do, or backs the underdog each and every time. I love this country, its culture and its people, (almost) everything it stands for. I know more about Australia then about Portugal. Why then, is there always that hesitence when people ask "Are you Australian?"

The link to my ancestry is too strong to deny. Its at home when I speak to my parents, who cling on to their heritage. Its on the phone when I speak to my cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents. Its in the holiday planning, as money is always saved to "go back home". The memories of holidays spent there, like an extended home. The country's culture and history, remembered when East Timor is mentioned (Portugal's history including being at one time an empire bigger then Great Britain's, a discoverer of the new world like no other). Everytime I pass a coffee shop, a bakery, a paved street, remembering the centuries old paved streets in Portugal.

Yet at the same time I hesitate to call myself Portuguese. I'm not living in Portugal, and while I do know some of the happenings of the country (especially relating to the football team I support, SLBenfica, and to the national Portuguese squad), its not as much as I know about Australia.

I feel like I don't fully fit in here in Australia. Don't get me wrong, I have never experienced racism or felt unwelcome but I have always felt like I don't completely fit in. There has always been that something inside me that is still searching for my niche in life that isn't found in Australia. But when I'm in Portugal, its the same thing. Its comfortable staying there, surrounded by family, experiencing the rich history and culture that the country provides, all the things I love. Yet there's that darn something inside me that whispers this is not my niche, that still searches.

Will I ever find my niche? I don't know. Right now I'm torn between my two countries, my homeland and my adopted land. I guess I'll have to enjoy the best that both world offer, declare myself Portuguese-Australian (Portugal comes first by default - I was born there, there are currently no favourites) and hope that my niche is found soon.